so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
