I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
