Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
