I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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