What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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