I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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