it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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