Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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