note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
