Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize