Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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