if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
