two words: eviction party
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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