does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
