i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
