im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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