I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
