This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize