hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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