The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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