the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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