it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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