Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
