I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize