Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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