...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
