I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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