Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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