Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
