Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
