I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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