I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
