HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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