Me too!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
