it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
