I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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