it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
