yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
