genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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