Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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