I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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