life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
