I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
