I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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