So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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