Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
where are you?
Hypothermia
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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