I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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