too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
