she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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