A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
