I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
