he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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