Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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