she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
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