i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize