Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He shit in the fireplace
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
