I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
accomplished twins. life is a go
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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