Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
