Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
