so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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