clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
