I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
