this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
