My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
