why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
