i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
