She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
