That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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