I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
