i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
