It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she looked like the before picture.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize