Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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