They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
