she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
