all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize