There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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