I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
