Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
