And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
