I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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