There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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