I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
