Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
