he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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