I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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