Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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