I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
