You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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