I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
