I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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