The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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