K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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