Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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