so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
