Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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