the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize