he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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