I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So vagazzling was a success
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
