so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize