Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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