Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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