he wants to bone in the snuggie
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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