It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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